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Inside Soul-Searching

Life in Lockdown {Reality Bites}

apple blossom

I want to try to blog weekly during this period of lockdown; I also want to try to impart some positive wisdom if I can. This week, the latter is probably a little scarcer than I would like. I hope, at the very least, my words provide some solidarity, especially if you too have been struggling with this ‘new normal’.

Despite a relatively optimistic start to lockdown, the novelty has definitely worn off. Whilst we are all still Coronavirus-free (we think), cabin fever has infected all of us at different times. Week two and I had pictured myself getting lost in that great pile of books next to my bed, cracking open a puzzle and ploughing my way through the to-do list like a pro.

Reality Bites

Last night, in an attempt to encourage a bit of emotional talk from my offspring, I invited everyone to share one high and one low from the week. I don’t think I got a single sensible answer, least of all from my husband who said that his ‘high’ was the beer he was supping on at that very moment. Looks like he’s got that living-in-the-moment mindfulness skill worked out, at least.

So let’s get down to the nitty gritty by dissecting our week two in (partial) lockdown.

Lockdown Highlights – Week 2

I’m going to start with the positives (there have been some, honest!):

  • Discovering my Body Balance class has an online version with exactly the same routine (and beautiful music) that I’m familiar with.
  • My daily dog walk has been glorious this week – every detail is magnified and the blossom in particular has been absolutely stunning.
  • I keep thinking that we are due some rain (and perhaps that would make people stay in a bit more) but while the sun is here, I’m going to continue being thankful for it. It’s been such a welcome addition this week.

sunshine lockdown

  • One thing that has helped me during lockdown, is giving myself one thing to do at the beginning of every day and one slightly larger goal at the beginning of the week. I managed to complete a wardrobe clear out this week and it definitely gave me the sense of achievement that I crave.
  • I’ve always been a fan of social media but this week it’s provided connection, amusement and thought-provoking content. As always, I need to make sure that I keep that balance in check though.
  • My church has been sharing some phenomenal content online – a Sunday ‘live’ meeting and other short snippets during the week to encourage us all. Our Foodbank is an amazing asset to the community and I’m proud to be part of a church who practically supports the community in this way.
  • It looks as though everyone’s panic-buying has calmed down a tad – I even managed to find pasta on Thursday!

pasta lockdown

  • I did my first week volunteering for my local town’s community hub – two shifts delivering food parcels to the vulnerable in our area. It’s enabled me to get outside of my four walls and helping others always makes me feel good. I’m fit and healthy for the moment so why not?
  • We’ve enjoyed some chilled evenings this weekend – playing games, listening to music, sampling the odd glass of rosé. There have been moments when I’ve been grateful for the extra time with my teenage socialites.

Lockdown Lowlights – Week 2

Now onto some of the things I’ve struggled with this week:

  • My work has pretty much dried up, so I’ve not had anything to get my teeth stuck into this week. I feel like I’ve lacked purpose and have consequently struggled to focus on anything. I can’t even concentrate on reading a book at the moment.
  • We haven’t been very disciplined with school work and I’ve swayed from feeling quite relaxed about it, to feeling slightly panicked that the outstanding work is piling up. I actually think that our school is sending too much. Kids are struggling with this new situation too and sending work to year 13s (who have just had the rug pulled out from under them), is not helpful. It’s caused some stressful conversations and unnecessary niggles.
  • I’m certain that I won’t be alone in this but my teenagers are on a totally different timeframe to me. When I’m about to start making lunch, they are just putting the cereal away. When I’m going to bed, they are just gearing up for an online marathon with their friends. It’s proved challenging but the three peaceful hours in the morning are actually very welcome.
  • Last week I was really chuffed at managing to get my offspring involved in the housework. This week I’d give them both a C- for effort. Think I’m going to need to change this one up a bit if lockdown goes on for the 12 weeks that has been suggested *cries into unused duster*.
  • Anyone else’s balanced diet gone to pot? Our current lockdown survival kit contains chocolate, crisps and more alcohol than is probably recommended. I remember reading a really interesting article from an Italian lady in lockdown and she cited exactly the same cycle of eating, so there’s obviously something about lockdown that makes us want to eat more. Perhaps it’s because there aren’t many highlights or distractions?
  • The usual eldest-daughter-shaped hole, has felt even bigger this week. I’m acutely aware that a hospital setting is probably not the best place to be in at a time like this, especially one where they are all struggling with their mental health. On the other hand, she’s probably in the best place for getting the support that she needs. Let’s just say that the double-edged sword has been sharp this week.

It’s been interesting to get this all out of my head and into a blog post because it shows that actually, there have been some real positives this week. I think that I may have been dwelling too long in the wrong places. Perhaps you too have been beating yourself up unfairly?

The most important thing, is that we deal with this lockdown situation in bite-sized chunks. As we go into week three, I’ll leave you with a quote from one of my favourites – Brené Brown.

Daring Greatly Brene Brown

Inside, Outside & Beyond

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6 COMMENTS

  • Gail

    Love this Suzanne, and I think we can all relate to feeling that sense of highs and lows over the last week – it’s a bit of a rollercoaster isn’t it? Like you, I struggle with feeling a lack of achievement, but also don’t want to chastise myself for not ‘getting things done’ in this really strange period that we’re in. I’ve been doing a bit of voluntary work too, which is really helpful, I think. Hope the sun keeps shining for you this week. We have had everything here from sun, to gales, to snow! xx

    • Suzanne W
      AUTHOR

      So this week I’m in the goal-setting but not chastising mode! You’re so right because it can easily slip from one to the other can’t it?

  • Sarah MumofThree World

    It sounds like you’ve got a lot of positives there. It’s great that you’ve been able to volunteer in the community and I’m very jealous that you managed to buy pasta! It must be hard having your eldest daughter away at such a difficult time.
    I can totally relate to the kids being on a different timeframe. It gets the same with my kids every school holiday.

    • Suzanne W
      AUTHOR

      I can normally cope with it in the holidays because you know there’s an end in sight. We potentially have them home for 6 months and I don’t think this will be good for any of us!

  • Babyadvisor

    In current hard time you’ve got a lot of positives there. Whenever life how much hard but there are always some positives we can take. Stay safe.

  • Suzanne I agree that definitely in the early days there was a sense of novelty to the whole situation and then that quickly wore off as the battle for food and some sense of a new normality took hold. I am definitely feeling more chilled than I did. It took me a while to get used to having everyone home and had more than a few meltdowns about the excess of my workload. I have got my teens involved and now if there is a bit more dust around than usual I try not to stress too much – bigger fish to fry and all that. Similarly my list of things I wanted to get done whilst home is still quite long – if not longer in fact but I am trying not to beat myself up about it – they will happen at some point. I have found the most important thing for my sanity is to carve out some time for me in the day whether that is reading albeit a little, chatting to friends on WhatsApp, blogging or exercising it’s precious to my sanity. Look forward to reading your future instalments x

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