[dropcap]T[/dropcap]oday is my birthday, I am the ripe old age of 45. I still can’t decide whether 45 is old or I am in fact in my prime. My grey hairs and creaking joints tell me the former, whilst my penchant for Top Shop and body spray indicates the latter. Perhaps that is what the term ‘middle age’ actually means – torn between the two.
I read a post on The Pool recently where the writer reflected on her previous ten years, then looked forward to the next ten and what they might have in store. I should probably tell you now, that she was only 31 years of age – a mere spring chicken in my eyes. Whilst her list got me lingering wistfully after my thirties, it also enabled me to consider her ‘hopes’ with the benefit of hindsight (bearing in mind she has yet to give birth to any human beings, let alone three).
From hero to zero…
During the last ten years I’ve gone from being entrenched in life with pre-schoolers, to wrestling with the daily grind that comes courtesy of teenagers. I think that my self-esteem has probably gone from hero to zero (thank you kids) and the next decade will be about bringing it back up to an acceptable level – one of the driving forces behind this new blog of mine.
It certainly got me thinking anyway… what would I like to see happening in my life over the next 10 years? Not world-changing things that I can’t directly have any impact on (an end to world poverty or a miraculous re-entry into Europe would be up there) more the things that I can influence in my world and probably need to begin acting on now if they are to come to fruition.
After much thought, I came up with the following
By the time I am 55…
- I want to have finally ditched the stick that I seem to permanently bash myself over the head with. This means accepting myself for who I am – the good and the not so good. I am a work in progress and always will be.
- I want to be spending time in the company of my husband and enjoying it.
- I would like to be doing things because I want to, not because I ought to – less people pleasing and more intentional living.
- I hope to have three happy children (not all still living under my roof!) who are content in whatever situation they are in. As a mum, I want to have struck a good balance between letting go and still being involved. Is that possible? I do hope so.
- I want to have finally reached a place where I don’t look in the mirror and see faults. I would like to be content with the ageing process – I’m certainly not there yet.
- I want to still be actively trying new things with many dreams that have yet to be fulfilled.
- I would like to have conquered my fear of jet lag and able to fly long-haul again. It’s a big world out there that needs to be explored.
- I want to have nurtured the relationships currently in my life, whilst always leaving space for a few more.
- I hope that I will look back and be proud of what I have achieved over the last decade. Of course there will always be some aspects that I’m not so pleased with but I would like to be able to see the positives in those situations.
- I hope to be braver and to believe in myself more, whilst fearing the consequences of failure and the judgement of people less. God’s opinion of me will always count for more.
Time seems to travel by at a quicker pace, the older I get. I guess it must have something to do with the length of time I’ve already been on earth and the percentage that ten years represents. Either way, life is too short for many things and not long enough for others.