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Inside Soul-Searching

Life in Lockdown {The Never-Ending Rollercoaster Ride Continues}

spring flowers

It’s the end of week 7 and I’m still on the lockdown rollercoaster – an inspired and content few days here, a frustrated and bored few days there. Anyone else know what I’m talking about?  I can safely say that for me, this has been the most difficult week so far. We all appear to have reached the end of our tethers at the same time, resulting in friction and a few raised voices.

Our eldest daughter celebrated her birthday without us on Friday and although we spoke to her briefly online in the morning, it wasn’t the same. I found it hard not to be baking her a cake or putting up the traditional banner and balloons. I hope that in the not too distant future, we will be able to take her out for a family meal and she can open the presents that are gathering dust.

Happy Birthday

Of course Friday was also VE Day – 75 years since World War II ended. I have to admit to being wound up by the hype the media stirred around this day. Remembering and honouring, yes (the 2 minutes silence was beautiful and I even watched the Queen’s speech at 9pm) but street parties and mass Congas in the street, felt wholly inappropriate. After a few alcoholic beverages, there’s no doubt that social-distancing would have gone out the window for many and I fear that we will see the consequences of this in a few week’s time.

I felt annoyed for anyone who has been unable to attend the funeral of a loved one during this time. For doctors and nurses returning home after a long, stressful day looking after Covid patients to see the streets overrun with people partying. And for those of us who are strictly abiding by the rules because we want this thing to be over, with as few casualties as possible.

As I write this, we are hanging on to hear what Boris has to say this evening – his promised (and some would say well overdue) update on how we move into phase 2 of this fight against Coronavirus.

Many people are campaigning for a slackening off of the rules and I think we all want this to some degree (not least for our economy which looks set for a very rough ride) but for me, not before we are good and ready. The death toll and numbers of those who are contracting the virus still seems very high.

I hope that we will be given clear guidance on how we are going to move forward in a safe but measured way. I fear that we will be left with wishy-washy advice that is open to interpretation. We will see.

This appears to have turned into quite a negative post which wasn’t my intention but I’m kind of shooting from the hip and I did say that week 7 hit hard! On a lighter note, assuming that the rules don’t change all that much for the next few weeks, I think that I might need some fresh inspiration on how to get through the next phase of lockdown.

morning cuppa

Currently, my lockdown survival kit consists of:

  • Puzzles
  • Normal People (wasn’t it phenomenal?)
  • Spotify
  • Fresh air and nature
  • Crumpets with marmite and cheese
  • Dairy Milk chocolate
  • Diet Coke
  • Gin and Tonic
  • Fiit exercise app (to counteract the above)
  • Zoom (including the quizzes that I love to hate)
  • Hair root spray
  • Elasticated waistbands

What else do I need in my arsenal? I would love to hear what’s getting you through.

Inside, Outside & Beyond




  • Gail

    Sorry to hear you had a tough week Suzanne. I’m sure we all experience different emotions from week to week but it must have been doubly hard with your daughter’s birthday passing without the chance to see her, or celebrate in the normal way. I hope you have a better week this week. I loved Normal People too, it really had me hooked. X

    • Suzanne W

      Me too Gail, I missed it once it was all over. The emotions during this lockdown certainly have me guessing! Hope you’ve had a lovely weekend. xx

  • Sorry to hear it’s been a tough week and I think it’s important to record these things here. It must be so hard not to be with your daughter on her birthday.
    I too was very wound up by the VE Day thing – and the media reporting it as being ‘socially distanced’ when it so clearly wasn’t. Well you were certainly right about the wishy-washy advice. We will have to wait and see how it turns out and hope that it doesn’t cause problems.
    I haven’t got round to watching Normal People yet, but hopefully I will at some point.

    • Suzanne W

      I’m recording everything but the longer this goes on, the more concerned I am that my blog has gone a bit rogue/niche! I literally can’t think about anything else at the moment though. Just don’t watch Normal People with any teenagers in the room!



    Those crumpets with marmite and cheese sound very tasty — I may have to give them a try!
    My own lockdown survival kit:
    The morning sun shining through my bedroom window.
    Fibre broadband, to which I recently upgraded. (Foresight? No, simply coincidence.)
    Various radio stations, most of them via the internet.
    Various coffees. (My two favourite coffees aren’t available, but I’ve found acceptable alternatives.)
    Various cheeses, including goat cheese.
    Avocados and plums. (Looking forward to apricots.)

    It’s truly excellent news that both you and Mr W can visit your daughter at the weekend.
    Your post on was typically courageous. Your daughter is fortunate to have you as her mother and her advocate.

    • Suzanne W

      We need decent fibre broadband! Ours is so bad and it’s on my list to organise but I’m nervous to be without wifi if it goes horribly wrong 🙁 I thought after writing my list that I should have added coffee too. My mid-morning coffee is a nice ritual that keeps me on the straight and narrow. Thank you so much for reading my post and being so kind about the content. I’m always nervous about writing something so personal but I hope it helps others who might find themselves in a similar situation.

  • suzanne williams

    Hi Suzanne,
    I am sorry you didn’t get to see your daughter on her birthday – that is so hard (((Hugs))). I did manage to see mine, but she’s in a residential unit not a hospital so that might have been the difference. Still had to keep 2 meters apart so no hugging but at least we saw each other.
    I hope now the lockdown is lifting slightly you can do more and maybe get a chance to visit your daughter even if it’s with social distancing.
    I’m loving Normal People too. I’m trying to stick to watching it weekly on a Monday and not binge watch it all on iplayer, but it;s so tempting!
    I can’t offer any advice about surviving lockdown as I’m working in the thick of it so it’s a totally different experience for me.
    Thinking of you


    • Suzanne W

      Hi Suzanne, thrilled that you saw your daughter! Since writing this, I have seen her once, just for 30 minutes and socially distanced, as you say. It was better than nothing though. Hers is more of a ward within a hospital so yes, probably slightly different rules. Hope that you’re managing to keep your head above water at work. xx

  • suzanne williams

    HI Suzanne,
    So glad you’ve been able to see your daughter now too. With the restrictions lifting slightly it looks like I’ll be back to making my weekly journey up to see my daughter each weekend from now on. Wont be quite the same with social distancing continuing but better than nothing.
    Work has calmed down somewhat but now it’s a case of finding a new norm as I don’t think my ward will go back to normal while we still have Covid-19 around to any degree. I hope your return to work helps you get out of the mental drain of lockdown…Good

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